parenting sa

hi, i’m kirrilie smout. i’m a psychologist who works with kids,teens and their parents, and here are some things to think about in helping teens dealwith the online world. the online world offers our young people hugeadvantages. it can be a wonderful source of learning,of communication, of fun. this is really good for our young people. if we stay positive about the online world,that can then help us manage. we need to know the dangers, but also keepcommunicating with young people, setting down boundaries, getting help from somewhere else,and making sure that young people know that

they can always come to us with any concernsor worries that they have about what they see and do online. there are some potential disadvantages anddangers for parents to be aware of that teenagers can sometimes get caught up in on the onlineworld. teenagers accessing adult content, for examplepornography, is one of the issues that we need to look at as a society. we know that a large percentage of both youngmen and young women are accessing pornography and inappropriate content online. we know that some of them are coming acrossthis accidentally, and some of them are deliberately

seeking it out. it is important to understand that the pornographyonline is very often quite violent and quite degrading to women. another potential problem for young peopleonline is the problem of conflict. with social networking it means that youngpeople are talking and interacting more than ever before. so, whenever you have an increased level ofcontact, you are going to have increased chances of hurt, rejection, bullying and problemswith managing communication. this means that young people will sometimesbe feeling deeply hurt about what’s been

said and what they are saying. another disadvantage for young people in theonline world is the problems it can create with homework and studying. most teenagers these days have laptops andphones and devices open while they are trying to study at the same time. this means that they are flicking back andforth between an assignment and trying to also have a conversation with someone. we know that this slows them down. we know that it means they don’t retainas much information, but we also know it’s

a really tempting thing to do. this is a hard one for young people to manage;we need to help them do that. another potential disadvantage that youngpeople can experience with the online world is the problem of sleep. it’s important to understand that a lotof teenagers are online late at night. this is a problem. teenagers need sleep. they need sleep to be able to function, bothemotionally and academically at school, and just to cope with the world.

we normally recommend that (particularly foryounger teens) phones and any other online devices are out of the bedroom overnight. another potential problem for young peopleis online safety. unfortunately, there are some people onlinewho do want to hurt our young people. predators who prey on young people, not justin terms of trying to get access to them personally, but trying to get access to their computers,credit cards and scams. we need to help young people understand thatprivacy is really important, making sure that they are not meeting people they’ve metonline, offline - unless other people are around.

another potential problem for young peopleis gaming. gaming can be a great thing. it helps with young people’s problem solvingskills and visual skills, can provide a source of great fun and enjoyment. gaming can be addictive as well. we know that there are corporations out therewho are spending millions of dollars making sure that people stay gaming for as long aspossible. gaming is something we need to help youngpeople manage. another danger for young people is sometimesthey are sharing too much, or sharing the

wrong kinds of things online. there can be inappropriate photos that theypost. they might post calls for help in a publicway. while we want young people to ask for help,we don’t want them to do it publicly because sometimes that leads to disappointment whennobody responds. we also want to help young people understandthat what they post online can have ramifications for their future. information that they are putting publiclyon websites can be found by employers, can be found by other people.

this can have damaging impacts for them. the most important thing that parents cando in helping teens online is making sure that they are having regular conversationswith them about it. this means asking teens lots of questions. when we think about conversations, we oftenthink about telling teens what to do. we often think about giving them advice butin actual fact asking teenagers about their experiences, about their opinions, what theythink, what’s happening, is more important than the advice that we give. asking teenagers about what’s happeningonline will help them think about the way

that they live their life online, the kindsof dangers that might come up, and help form their opinions about how they can stay safe. the kinds of questions that we can ask teenagersabout being online include: what is it they think should happen? what are the rules that should be in placeat schools, at home, for teenagers online? what are the kinds of apps and programs thatthey are using? what are the kinds of problems that they’veseen their friends get into? it is also important that we tell teenagerswhat we think and what our concerns are about them being online, but it is important thatwe do that after we’ve got information from

them. in telling young people what we think, wereally need to be informed. this means, as parents we need to put timeinto investigating all the different programs and apps that are out there. unfortunately, technology does take a fairbit of time for parents. we need to look up information on the web,talk to other parents, talk to schools, find out information from teachers, go to variouswebsites to get information about what’s happening. teenagers will give us a good bit of the information,but they won’t give us all of it.

it’s also a good idea, where possible, tobe online yourself, to have profiles, for example, to be using apps and websites atleast some of the time so that you can see what young people are doing. it is an important part of keeping teenagerssafe. i think it’s important for parents to setdown specific rules, boundaries and guidelines about how much time teenagers should be spendingonline, who they are talking with and the kinds of things that they are doing. inevitably, teenagers will break rules. that’s what they do.

at this point it’s important not to gettoo angry or to over-react. start by asking the young person what wasthe hardest thing about following that rule. some of the time teenagers won’t be happy,and you can do all the negotiating in the world, you can be as empathic as you can,but you still have to take charge and stay in control.

please see our ‘cyber safety parent easyguide’ for more information and where to get help www.parenting.sa.gov.au/pegs/peg63.pdfthe parenting sa website also has many other topics for parents of children aged 0 – 18years. visit www.parenting.sa.gov.au if you needhelp and support, contact a health professional.