parenting toddlers

>> i'm constantly tryingto create structure for billy even though he's only2 because i know it's important. but, man, is it hard. >> hi, honey. i've made some changes to thefamily schedule and i just want to run them by you so you canhave a real 50,000 foot view of some of the changeswe're going to be making in the way we do things here. okay? yeah.

>> he sometimes struggleswhen we move from one thing to another. and i'm trying to add somenew activities to his day. so naturally i'mthinking pie chart. >> this chart hererepresents how you and i typically spend ourdays not including nap times and potty breaks of course. and as you can see here playtime figures significantly. nearly 34 percent ofour daily activities.

are you with me? >> my job? well, i work as aproject manager team lead in a large marketing agency. why do you ask? >> now, based on theadvice of a majority of childhood educationresearchers as well as decades of collective experience ofmothers all across the us, your current age whichis 2 is the ideal time

to begin introducing simplewords and simple sounds as a preamble to reading. are you pooping? >> i know what you're thinking. i'm not being detailed enough. right? i knew it. >> thinking aboutwhat your routine or what you want your routineto look like ahead of time, some parents liketo post it and maybe

for young kids you wouldassociate a picture or a graphic to it. the simpler you make it the morelikely you can adhere to it. if it's too complicated, involves too many differentsteps, it's just setting it up for -- you know, for failure. and you don't want to do that. we want this structureand the routine -- it's supposed to promotesuccess in the family.

>> okay. hey, look. do you see? it's almost five o clock which means it's almostour new reading time. and then after reading time youand i can go bake some cookies. what do you say? >> thank you. >> you're welcome. >> it's all about setting upexpectations for your children.

so letting them know what'scoming next is really important. so yeah. you can havethe 5 minute warning. "okay. in 5 minutes we're goingto go up and take a bath." that's really important. >> when we're done herewe're going to go upstairs and get washed up for dinner. so 5 more minutes. okay? >> okay.

>> one thing that kidsunderstand easily is step by step instructions. so one way to communicatearound a structure or routine is by saying, "first we'll dothis, and then we'll do this." >> okay, now, buddy,it's time for bed. >> it's really great. i feel like billy and i are on the same pagemuch more often now. he used to handletransitions really badly,

but now he knows what's coming. >> time for bed. night night. >> simplicity is the key. simple and clear. in fact, i started incorporatingsome of these simple and clear strategiesin to my life at work. it's going well. >> okay. so you can seei've created some new visual

materials to lead usthrough today's meeting. we'll be focusing on ourclient's new structure and how well it meshes withsome of the projections that we made based onthe marketing strategies that we developed at ourlast corporate retreat. but before we get startedwhy don't we take a short snack break?

then we'll begin in,we'll say, 5 minutes? 5 minutes, okay?

1, 2, 3, 4, 5. anybody need to use the potty?

parenting teens with love and logic

kid's poor decisions and fussiness can be very tiring and annoying. how about a tool that will help you putyour energy back? it's effective. in love and logicâ® we call it the energy drain tool. theenergy drain tool is a practical way of teaching that misbehavior has aconsequence and it also teaches responsibility. thereare six steps to the energy drain tool. step one: show empathy. "ooh, that was a bad decision".

"oh man, that's too bad!". number two: "ooh that was a real energy drain when you yelled at your sister". be a little dramatic. fill in the misbehavior when you yell at your sister that really drains myenergy. step three: ask a question. how are we going to put that energy back? now weknow most kids would reply with "i don't know", so step four: you give them some options. here's some options.you can dust the house

or you can empty the trash in my office,unload the dishwasher. make sure those chores are personal for youand not chores that they would normally do and lastly be sure you set a deadlineand make it reasonable. "can you have it done by the end of the day?",and then you wait. the next step is you do not remind them orlecture them to do that chore to put your energy back. if they in fact do it, great. thank themfor it and don't lecture by saying wellremember when you did such-and-such that really bothered me.

let it go. the challenge is, what if theydon't do it? well then the last step would be youhave to have a plan, and that plan could be something likewell you're too tired to take them somewhere thatthey ask you to go because they didn't put your energy back.that making a plan has a few extra steps to it and i canhelp you with that but energy drain you will find is aneffective tool for letting children know that theirmisbehavior really tires you out and they're going to learn that when thecause an energy drain

it more work for them and less work foryou. if you'd like help with implementing theenergy drain

because it is an effective tool thatteaches behavior has a consequence to it and at the sametime is loving and enhances your relationship pleasegive me a call. thanks for watching.

parenting techniques

i'm dr. ari brown and i've got some greatdiscipline tips to share with you today. many methods work and different ones work for differentsituations. the key is to be consistent, follow through once you've set up those rules andlimits, show respect and remain calm. remember, you are your child's role model and he's watchingyou to see how you react when you're angry or frustrated. so, here are the four tips.tip number one: teach natural consequences. it is much more meaningful for a child tosee what happens when he makes the bad choice in a safe way, of course, than to choose apunishment that has absolutely nothing to do with the poor behavior. so, for instance,if your toddler throws her spaghetti at the wall, she is telling you she is done eatingand should be excused from the table. next

time, she'll remember to eat dinner and notplay with her food. tip number two: ignore certain attention-seeking behaviors. i knowit can be hard to disengage but if it isn't a serious offense, just ignore it. kids willdo many things in the name of getting your attention. if your child doesn't get a riseout of you, she will probably stop doing it. so here's an example. your child loves tointerrupt you when you talk on the phone. the solution? ignore it, or else you havetaught her that that tactic works and she will continue to do it again and again. evenbetter, prepare for attention-seeking behavior and prevent it. set your kitchen timer andtell her you'll be able to talk to her once the timer goes off. tip number three: givechoices. kids want to be in charge. a child

is more likely to cooperate if he feels likehe is involved in a decision-making process. just make sure those options you give areall things that you want to do anyway and be careful not to give too many options becausethat can be overwhelming. so, when you're trying to get out the door in the morning,say, which do you want to do first? do you want to put on your shoes or put on your coat?tip number four: use time-out. yes, it really works if it's done correctly and consistently.the whole point of time out is time away from you. your child can be moved to a safe placeor you can move away from your child and that can do wonders to keep you calm and in control.the whole point is, losing attention from you is the most effective way to get yourmessage across. time-out is reserved for more

serious offenses that put the child or somebodyelse in danger. so, for instance, if your

child takes a bite out of her friend's arm,she goes directly to time-out city. just remember, you won't see immediate success with any ofthese techniques. your child will test you 20 times to be sure you really meant whatyou said or be sure he can't get away with things on your watch. be patient and be consistentand you will see results.

parenting sucks

what's up, what's up what's up, john melton coming to you live from baltimore, maryland. and i'm quite lively, today i'm a little hyper. a little fired up. probably not going to sleep for a little while so why not hang out with each and every one of you on facebook alive and replay viewers what's up what's up what's up how's it going for those you

just starting hop on live say hello where you're coming in from jesse lee ward i know you're doing super duper fantastic by the way if you're not inside of our private facebook community the my lifestyle kadim e facebook group you just missed one of the most epic trainings in the history of training tonight inside of our group jesse we

went live for a little over an hour she did a q&a at the end it was epic how to run a seven-figure business on facebook on the facebook and you know i actually have several these jackets yes i know it's true they're all very very soft silky smooth i like them long time what's up chuck miller what's up care and keith and any way suggesting we did

this amazing training it's only going to be available for 48 hours 48 hours it's going to be available then it's gone then it's only going to be inside of our social network marketing academy course those of you that have the course you are very very very lucky so i'm fired up nadia is going to be joining us shortly and i think she's just wrapping up her

makeup so that's that that's a good thing i don't think babies getting late i got to do my facebook live i haven't gone live let's go so listen some of you are sucking right now at life you're sucking in business you're sucking just in general right now and my glasses on body is fuckin holmes water use them sometimes you're going to some but you

gotta limit your sucking so because baby sucking creates wink yeah and you don't want wrinkles right here and right here so so stop the sucking right enough of the sickness so we want to get you out of suckville and look here's the dealio sometimes the reason that we're starting a business is the same excuse that we're using right like people will say why

don't have any money well that's sucking so let's get you out of suckville start a business well i don't have the money to start that's a problem that you want to say right that's a problem you want to solve as an entrepreneur we are professional problem solvers so if you want to get out of stock ville if you want to

improve your financial situation your relationships your happiness you want to get yourself in a better situation then you have to do some important things so we're going to talk about that tonight first thing is you've got to drop the excuses excuse i see itã­s is a disease and it's contagious let's talk about that baby oh did you see systemic very

dramatic all right here's what i've learned if you got to be dramatic right like if you want to create results in your life you've got to stand out and what is the best way to send out to be loud and proud you got to be traumatic but like in all the positive spence that we can like you know come up and you're what concur yeah so a lot of people say

that you know they want to get out of their situation but let's be honest they're not working right you gotta work work work i can't tell you how many people i see then get involved in a business or there in like i was in the mortgage business my buddy chuck miller you just made me think about this so sir chuck and i used to be two of the

biggest beast loan officers because we worked our faces off and we were freaking good won't reach out i hope you're still on but you know i'm telling you chuck was one of the only loan officers that can keep up with me i was running only loan officers who can keep up with him but there were people that just simply didn't work like i just made

to three times the phone call to other people made other people would make excuses i made money you can't do both you can't make money and make excuses if you're a network marketing traditional business right you want a happy marriage happy relationships you want great children you can't make excuses you have to develop skills and you got to work

your face off michelle thank you for sharing if you share will give you a shout out jonas troyer thanks for sharing but this is a big deal man so many people guy miss you too buddy so i didn't baby you there's so many people that get involved in a business and they call like 10 people right like when i was in the mortgage business i made a

hundred calls a day a hundred calls a day did i not youth in and there was people that challenge me they'd be like oh you won't keep up that pace and i'm like thank you think that that motivation they could have done i would literally i had a headset on i'd be in the bathroom on the phone like you know urinal not you know number two number

one but i'd walk in there it's clean they stuffed me in the bathroom and the hallway in the way the bathroom i'm like your them on the phone going through you're always on the phone i'm like yes and i'm always at the top of the leaderboard always making money same thing in network marketing i'm always recruiting i'm always signing up new

people we signed up seven people i signed up seven personal recruits in the last 48 hours why because i don't make excuses right yeah you're going to go through lulls here get up time for your busier but you just keep moving forward if you're in suckville you got to snap out of it and take action i mean here's what happens you guys how many of you

have ever been like driving and then it happens so it's all like it happens to the best of us right like you get a little bit tired and then your mind gets a little bit foggy and then you're so tempted thank you for sharing chance to kind of stop and like look around in the middle of the sackville dude like we got to snap out of the crazy mess like we

got to keep driving we got to put the pedal to the metal yeah you know i'm russian and here's what i am here to tell you like if you're going to drive anywhere fast that would be russia there's no laws there's no nothing so my advice to you is this like do not even slow down when you experience your grandma from that you have to outwork

the drama sorry get a little thing with drama great all right fine you got to outwork the drama i like that that's a cheerio that's not what we should make a picture quote i won't do it i like it so let's make a little mean bobby joe clifford thank you for sharing appreciated lisa pomeroy thank you for sharing those you to share it will try

to give you a shout out okay also baby you tell me this all the time devin capra thanks for sharing speaking debt do not speak down speaking death life in death i'm beginning to be a tongue exactly right you guys know what they say in the bible right is that the life and death is in the power of the tongue and you're not crazy every vangelis the

end every time you speak somebody is listening to you are listening your kids are listening for those of you that are parents like we have to be so obnoxious about what it is that we actually create into existence and here's what i'm here to say all right is that when you create words you are planting seeds and the law of radiance elway creating reality yes

and the law of agency wayne is a life in the world just like the law of gravity is alive and well like you don't believe me i step of the building step up the building and let us see whether or not that matters right so what happened to i don't believe in gravity yesterday watch what did you say like you got to be proactive and this

does tell us that less than five percent of the wealthy actually speak their mind hmm do you remember that stuff ya know it's true though it's crazy yeah they think with auntie but they'll even to themselves they don't share and express every size which that's something i'm working on all right yeah all of us have negative thoughts right all that i have

a brain that is you know our brain was designed for survival not prosperity right so i'll bring y'all thank you for hearing feed us loser thought so you cannot contain your thinking the first thought that hits your mind but you can control the second so the problem is this is when you get hit with the first loser thought when you project it into

the universe that's the problems you have to bite your tongue you have to create like well the role in our house no whining and complaining exactly that's one of the rules no wonder men want to hold you up aaron nelson mccloskey steel thank you for sharing now i think this is a really big deal but also avoid the blame game okay this

is another reason you're in saukville i have your blink my upline sucks my upline is not to use social media my spouse won't support me my friends are making fun of my live videos my prospects aren't calling me back like you're blaming everyone else you gotta look in the mirror look network marketing is hard as shoes right it hard

like it's hard socks sometimes so is life so our relationships so parenting sucks sometimes amanda gross thank you for sharing rebecca rombach hey guys here when you form time thank our dc house we are pointing back at you sometimes life sucks sometimes yes it is easier to blame others it's easy to blame your company it's easy to blame

your mouth but the reality is that you've got yourself in that one on wishing and sometimes look you know what sometimes people make mistakes sometimes you got problems you got drama for your mama you can't avoid the challenge or see we talk about this all the time so we're just like fast forward like in the perfect world

g'nite click the movie click have you seen portugal what number are we on like drop our two i don't know two three four drop or two if you've seen the movie click like don't you wish sometimes you go omg like it's a little dramatic for my taste let's face it you know what they say when it's dramatic oh skip it along oh skip it alone like you see a

puddle you're not going to voluntarily jump into the puddle should i mean you want to skip it so how could we fast-forward like i'll click you know the door makes you want to fast-forward yeah and here's the other thing too a lot of times we're not like life life seems like kind of sucky so and yes because we're not working but also the

reason we're not working is because we're probably not inspired haha we're not surrounding ourselves with people that inspire us that motivator it excite make us feel good that make us feel that that is my own life and yet that's early reason that's why i said yes cuz she asked me i propose but lady a true sometimes but i didn't order though i

did i'm like okay i might like it for you to buy so much it was like a jedi mind trick it was why i shot i'm ready by right now wait up like oh i already they're going to get a rain so let's go get one let's go do this thing both of you ladies look so maybe you're not working because you're not some iron maybe you're blaming others because you

feel sorry for yourself and you've got to snap out of it and one thing you should do so we talked about this yesterday or one of my trainings is is developing yourself right mindset working on yourself personal freaking development every day no excuse 30 minutes a day minimum every single day you should be working on yourself in

fact when you're going through suckville you should triple your personal development not double it triple it la la so so um i lost my train of thought no i didn't get a little frisky at this hour but on a serious note this is a really big deal that could be a member probably not doing personal development i bet you're not reading any books i bet

you're not listening any personal development i bet you're not going to any seminars any conferences you're not doing anything to develop your mind the more i feed my mind the more good output positive vibes i put out into the universe because i'm feeding my mind i'm more excited more powerful more confident my postures

better my belief it's just like stuff comes out of me that i don't even know is in there something work yourself right please but but a lot of us were in saukville and we're focused on the suckiness of our lives and that's what's making it worse it's a compound effect in the opposite direction you should pick up the book the compound effect by

darren hardy you guys so where is the prime example is internalized your circumstances it's right oka sonic well you feel like you've been buried you've actually been planted and so you have to become the spin master you just have to take a look at every circumstance as it is just the universe or god whatever you believe it it's just a it's just the

speedway for you to get to where you need to go you have to let go of the good to be blessed with the great let go down the way the cookie crumbles and sometimes some of us get caught up in the wrong thinking again i'll grain sometimes you have to disobey like i'm a big believer to hashtag obey but here's until dude whenever you brain gives you

loser thought you have to evaluate you have to bring logic into emotion and you have to snap out of the nonsense and you have to marinate your brain in the goodness in your brilliance in the fact that god does not make john in the in the fact that you are here for recent so i'm like let's get to it like you feeling bad does not serve the world

hello amber hi amber compound effect that's right what's up give that an applause give that analog trudeau so it looks truthfully let's say your ass up i'll say well you know i'm not really i'm not really seeing results in my in my home business because when i saw a home business entrepreneurs network market right okay cool how many live

videos did you do this week drop your number you don't like doing videos gotcha excuse itã­s okay how many people did you proactively prospect this week we like to use facebook groups for our company how many people did you add to your private facebook group today today how many people did you spark conversation with today how many people

did you put in group chats with your upline right how many group chats and your downline do with you write your team do with you the bottom line is most of us if we were truly honest we didn't prospect enough people today or this week period right unless you adjusted yet we didn't do enough we didn't do enough live videos this week

right joey great job more videos okay but the truth of the matter is the people that are struggling they're not working on themselves or either you know again they're making excuses they're doing the blame game right all this stuff we just touched on so you have to figure out identify what it's going to take right to get that breakthrough

right do you need to attend a seminar do you need to invest in a course in a book you need to just surround yourself with better people you need to cut although some of the people in your life laurieann right you got it look as entrepreneurs you got to figure shit out if you want to make money brandi thanks for sharing you have to get out of that

current situation you're in instead of just focusing and dwelling like most people do and most people you don't want to be like most people most people are broke most people have more months than money most people do not leverage their time the time and efforts of other people most people don't even like what they do for a living isn't that sad

isn't it sad that most people have plenty of opportunities we live in america those of you that are what other time you add from us if you live in a country where you're a believable you're able to go i become a millionaire you know if watching that tony robbins interview he said listen if you make eighteen thousand dollars a year

eighteen thousand dollars a year you're actually in the one-percent wealthiest people in the world out of the billions of people on the planet if you make eighteen thousand a year you're in the one-percent do you realize that like you live in america you live if you live in a country maybe you don't live in america you're watching this but you

live in a country where you're able to start a business you're able to be an entrepreneur like in russia not so much i mean if the government doesn't stop you the mafia will yeah i mean right like here's what i am here to say and this is why they say that if you are from another country your chances of becoming a millionaire of four times

more than somebody boys here why is that well let's introduce the concept of gratitude like how many of you guys drop a 5 into the chat if you do gratitude every single day like we train our kids of their awesome italy welcome to gratitude i mean like we i'm take for granted and oh my god and we have you know it's been right that we

have like running water i mean right like i was telling john some of my tactic is like the way that i grew up like we would wake up in the middle of the winter negative 40 degrees and we would walk to school i don't know how i didn't freeze to death is what i'm here to say i don't like i'll be great i don't even like walking to the car i

don't like they're walking to the mailbox world they just go down so yeah i mean look at the end of the day lauren i start your day shows like that let's give a nice women so i'm some ideas again a suck ville first of all and number one start your day with gratitude i agree wake up five minutes earlier okay a lot of radical guy gratis already

doing it yeah so drop weight so you told me drop a drop of five a very divided today already dropping five sequenom yeah i'll that was whoo oh hey heidi stop the press i do here now obviously so so that's one thing you could definitely do number two you got to take action see there's law of attraction law a law of attraction kendra's law of

action i was getting extraction action exception but they're both accident very slow you try to put onto the universe look i want 1 million dollars 1 million dollars one minute guys and then you sit on the couch and watch tv that's not gonna get you 1 million dollars right law of inertia states a body at rest tends to stay at rest but a body in

motion tends to stay in motion you got to take action you got to get into action every day look think about these uncomfortable phone calls needs uncomfortable prospects and there's people on your friend list and you're like too chicken shit to hit up you don't mean like you have this fear time to get over that and hit up your chicken

list right right take action every day like don't go to sleep you okay you get from an active play ball with being uncomfortable yes no i stick a retro comfortable with being uncomfortable it just came off wrong like i was trying to kind of like what you do when you say it i know five conversations every single day right five conversations that you

start every day through text message phone call facebook messenger whatever that will help you get out of your situation and again personal development 30 minutes at a minimum what book are you reading right now drop into the chat let's give all the viewers some ideas of what all these other amazing entrepreneurs are

reading or listening to 30 minutes a day what book are you reading right now are you going to write words are audible okay i like a lot of like elizabeth courses about that like i love my gosh you guys there's a lot of you that i see there were on my double tasking video so all of us have time during the day to kind of feed on mind right just like you

feed your body you gotta feed your mind why not double task like why not do your makeup and listen to your personal development so why live and our life yeah right why choose oh should i eat or should i listen to personal development like why not do an and life so you eat and you feed your life like you double that you double task like that makes

sense to me i'd like to say much you love it golfin l is an amazing volcano tea yet rock your network marketing business awesome great ideas i did you're a badass the other day i like it my love it bulk yeah universe has your back lots of great books yeah right now i feel like some ideas for what do we just go ahead and go through the

comments like donna's gold right now yeah okay so you know and i think ultimately you have to take responsibility right take responsibility for your life take responsibility for what happened so far even if it's like negative stuff that other people did i mean i get it but like time to move on right stop dwelling in the past right

you know stop being so hard on yourself so what if you're you have a speech impediment so what if you don't have the best reputation so what have you been in nineteen businesses and none of them worked out so what if you suck at video right so what it is what it is yeah work on it improve or stop stop bitching about it right stop dreaming okay that's

better i'll just say stop that shit about it but i'll try to avoid saying curse words but it's a little late so it's all good the bottom line is if you have big goals big dreams here's how you know you need to be successful here's how you know you want to be successful you like nice stuff right you like nice watches nice shoes you like to travel a

nice cars nice restaurants nice food right you like all the nice people what's up from those friends all the nice seat bones and then so anyway on a serious note we care about you we want you to win our right we they don't want you to win but you're going to win anyway right dj khaled drop in though so and by the way

back to the training from earlier tonight if you're not inside of our private facebook community for the 48 hours something we're going to keep up jessie leash training she just did its absolute amazing facebook training we had about seven figures go to seven finger business did my policy so that elite shut down you understand like a

share in our group and if you're not in our guru is you're not in our group you've got to go to my lifestyle academy com my lifestyle academy com enter your name and email it's in the group 48 hours and then it's gone it's gone that's called anyway all right i got a value like that movie gandhi later we're done we're out of here airlines yeah you

know 48 hours gone forty dollars it's alright guys we love you thank you for tuning in thank you but no high five virtual high five fist bump deuces

parenting styles

what does it mean to be a successful parent? and what makes a family, a family? why is it that some families get along fineand some just fall apart? why don’t kids feelthat they can trust their parents and why don’t parents feelthat they can trust their kids?

how could i understand my children?how could i be fair to them? who has the right answers? how do i know what’s right?how do i know what’s wrong? how do i find out for myself?

parenting styles permissive

{ music } (cole) well hey, bryan thanks for agreeing to be a featured speaker at the symposium this year. it was really something else. and i gotta tell you as i walked out of the room i turned around and checked out the crowd, (bryan) and turned into salt, (cole) there was this look of excitement and panic and blown away. everything in between because you painted such an interesting sort of perspective on, i won't call it citizen journalism, but under the current there was this notion of

the user as the center of this whole new web world. and i just think it was the right message to sort of start the afternoon with and i want to thank you for coming and doing that. (bryan) well good, i thought you were gonna say people were afraid because you were leaving. (cole) oh no, no, no, no, no. we're behind the scene guys here. (bryan) as you can tell. (cole) but again where do you think all this is headed? the thing that i think was most interesting, one of the things, was the whole mobile technologies thing you touched on and how it accelerates the ability to contribute change and alter some of the things that are going on in this web 2.0 space. (bryan) yeah, it does. i'd say that there

are a few things going on. i'm trying to find a few of my phones. here let me get this one. there's a whole bunch of angles. one is a privacy angle. and this is one that came up a few times. i had a slide on it if you saw it today. it was problems with web 2.0 and i skipped it because i ran out of time. the privacy angle is really, really interesting we don't really have a good sense of privacy anymore. were you part of the conversation last night when we were talking about this? (cole) yes! (bryan) this was before we started talking about battlestar galatica that's when the conversation really improved i think. but our sense of privacy we worry about students on

myspace or on facebook disclosing too much. and i think in many ways the teenagers have a much better idea of privacy than adults do. we talk as if there is such a thing as privacy. the ceo of oracle said, privacy is dead. get over it in public in 2000. we think about things like, i have a [ inaudible ], which you were there it was at the end of my talk at the [inaudible]. you asked me how many adults protest their grocery store for targeting purchases based on their card and coupons printed according to your purchases. if i know what you're purchasing for a year,

i know a lot about you. this was something you probably wouldn't want me to know. (jim) which is why i advocate exchanging those cards between people. we'll use them once and then change them up. (bryan) that's the first time i heard anybody say that. i do know a few people who only buy cash. and they're like cranks, survivalists the majority of them. do you protest surveillance cameras? no, nobody does. they don't prevent crime. they move it around. (jim) no, it's interesting, but where i shop there is a camera at the end of each aisle. and i'm assuming they're telling us that cameras there in case anybody tries to reach into the till. but you have to

imagine that. (bryan) wait, not the end of each merchandise aisle, but each... (jim) at the end of each checkout area. so they can potentially could have my picture. they know my profile from my shopping cart. and they have my credit card information and now they have my, (cole) and presumably your pin number because they got the camera dialed right in on the keypad. (bryan) so let me know when there's a march against that. but amazon, my casual browsing informs their business model. netflix, i mean over and over again, our privacy is a thing of the past. i was talking to somebody before, these things, that's all

web based. that's not very mobile really. that's internet based. i mean if ryan and i are worried about you, one of the things that we can do is i could take my phone, give him a call, put my phone under your office desk or under your carseat and then we'll go to ryan's and we'll just listen. because we've had a little bug planted on you for free. this i will show you from the british press in 2001. and the british press of course was on the sex scandal which is different thing, but it works that way too. and these are, this is nothing in terms of world phones. this little guy. this little camera. remember when i showed that huygens probe? the cassini probe that it came from

has a camera that is this powerful. and this is unremarkable. if i go to kenya i'll get a better phone for less money. we haven't begun to worry about this. have you seen any of the youtube videos that are shot by students in classrooms of their teachers? (jim) yep, freaking out and throwing things. (bryan) i mean haven't begun to think about this. (cole) so now you look at our data at penn state, now what was interesting is lee this morning shared some numbers about mp3 ownership and device ownership, and we were higher consistently on all of those things here at penn state. mp3 ownership

is eighty percent on our campus. (bryan) why do you think that is? (cole) maybe just the targeted demographic (bryan) what about that do you think? do you have you have a high proportion for science majors and people interested in fields that might have them? (jim) no, i don't think so. i mean we are known for our engineering programs, but i think it's across the board if you break it down by discipline it's across the board. (cole) i think if you look at the eighteen to twenty-two year old demographic in cell phone usage. we just got our data back and it's at ninety-three percent. you know a lot of people assume it's at a hundred percent, but ninety-three percent ownership of mobile phone devices on our campus.

(bryan) is that undergrad or undergrad and grad? (cole) that was i think represented sample of all students. so that would be undergrad and grad. our undergraduate population is eighty thousand. (bryan)i was just thinking of different ways that you would rely on a cell phone and who that could be. and the grad student of course could be, i know i was talking to [ inaudible ] this morning where a lot of the undergrads are traditional age, so they're more likely to have cell phones, but the older you get the less likely you are for different reasons. i'm not surprised that penetration now. how many campuses are equipped to push content out to cell phones? almost none. (cole) that's it and that's sort of

the question is, i'm sitting in front of a class lecturing and how do i tap into this great device that these kids sitting in my classroom really dying to use? (bryan) have you used the clicker? (cole) yeah, we have clicker investigations. but you know what's crazy we ask the students about would they use their cell phone as a clicker and they say yes and then they say, wait a second, i have to pay for that text message. but then you add up the cost of a clicker response and it ends up being cheaper over a semester than it would cost you buy the clicker itself. (bryan) the real cost is at your end. the infrastructure end, configuring that and that may not be possible for some folks.

because they're so walled off. i've talked to a few colleges where they're looking into that. and it became prohibitive. now those are all smaller colleges. you guys might have the... (jim) well we did do an investigation here of actually that very question. could our automated call recognition and stuff handle that? could the back end handle that? could we plug into the voip infrastructure that we're developing? and the costs were prohibitive in terms of making sure that we know that this is professor so and so's section in this particular room that's voting on this particular question. and that

cost started to become prohibitive. (bryan) so then you had ten dollar ers's and it's a lot easier. (cole) but then you have to start to wonder about things like twitter. i know that like it was great in your talk that you said that somebody said something along the lines of, i missed the old days of twitter. you know six weeks ago. and i think a lot of us feel that way. because it's slow. but there's a perfect way of using like you were saying today, web 2.0 makes this stuff cheaper and easier and the ability to make it happen is literally at your fingertips. now with your cell phone you don't have to develop potentially this massive infrastructure to support a twitter stream of students who are all friends to this one class. let's call it

instructional systems 451 is the twitter account and all the students are friends. (bryan) why should i use my computer to flickr? i should be able to phone in my images. well you can. there is the architecture for that now. it's a pain for most phones. and a lot of americans deliberately don't buy photo phones or they don't have a good internet connection from that. i mean, that's lame, it would save time. where you think about... do you do digital storytelling? we had a summit meeting with the berkley group in august of last year. it was really interesting. and the brits who were attending the meeting attacked the

berkley guys by saying, why are you still teaching final cut? this is a waste of time. get a cell phone. and this is easier. you can capture the stuff. it's good enough for what you're doing and then let's look at ebbing from that. so you can just save time and money. and the berkley's were like, cell phones do that? i'm exaggerating. but they were really surprised because that's not part of their life at all. and that's not part of experience. and they're so comfortable with it. that division is stark. and i think it's gonna take awhile before we get past it. and it might be a deep seated division. like the power outlets between us and europe.

(jim) i think part of it is the way lined calls, you know, your typical pots phone were metered in britain and most of europe where it's per minute type calls and so the adoption of mobile technology happened a lot quicker there because you could get around that. (bryan) it was cheaper. well that's true. there are a lot of reasons. there are books on this. [ inaudible ] and one of the reasons is cost. and for other [ inaudible ] if you look at eastern europe or if you looked at north africa

land lines are still in their infancy or [inaudible] and it's just cheaper if you just roll out a cell phone network and go past that. you see a lot of that in africa. you see a lot of that in asia. and in the us our landlines are good enough. now there's a similar reason that has to do with laptops. i didn't see many in my talk today. i was kind of surprised. (cole) i was surprised in lee's talk this morning there were a lot more people with their laptops out and actively running. (jim) i think it was cause of lunch. (cole) the tables were crowded. (bryan) but we have so many more laptops and desktops with [ inaudible ] access to it. that is why a lot of the countries where adoption of cell phones became an issue.

that was an alternative to that. if you're in japan, in japan a lot of families have one computer for the family. it would be the family computer. and you wouldn't want to open your myspace on that or share your photos or instant message and somebody else, like your parents, could find it. so you use cell phones instead. whereas in the us have pretty decent amount of hardware available in the schools. pretty decent amount of hardware available in libraries. and of course the individual family is pretty high. so a lot of cell phone usage can be used that way. there's also people have called this the size argument. i don't buy it. i think it's infrastructure. that the us is too big. it's easy

to roll out a cell phone coverage plan for holland, but for half of north america you know it's hard. i don't think it's a size problem, i think it's their infrastructure. russia, china have much better cell phone coverage and they're comparable sizes. in vermont, i suppose you found out when you were there, was it three years ago now? (ryan) yeah, just about. (bryan) vermount actually banned cell phone towers about five, six years ago. so we have coverage [ inaudible ]. in fact up state new york, i'm not sure about the policy, but there were fewer cell phone towers along the adirondack's. and during this winter a man died arguing

because he didn't have cell phone coverage. had an accident. he was badly hurt. called the cell phone, no coverage, [ inaudible ]. so there's a big push to add more towers. the adirondack's are beautiful. don't want to spoil that. it's odd that these are the kind of questions that were up eight, ten years ago. someone at the end of the talk asked am i optimistic about wireless mobile technology, i hate to say it, but one thing i'm optimistic about is the apple phone. i'm not an apple evangelist, i'm really nervous

about the iphone. what steve jobs celebrated. the patenting of it. and the apple herd said, yeah, oh, great another software [ inaudible ]. what really worries me is arguably the patent that he had wasn't for the phone, arguably for a screen. if he's patenting touch screen, that's not what we need for other devices, but if the apple iphone can tap into the ipod cold status, it might push american phones to be better as competitors come out. i have an mp3 player, it's not an ipod, it's really cheap and it works great. and the reason is because there's all this competition and people follow their lead. maybe we'll see

more of that in a couple years. that's one thing. we need that conversation of privacy and a better one. i don't see that on the horizon. i'm increasingly concerned for the assumption, you know david grin's book of the transparent society? no! he's a 98' science fiction writer. you ought to read that. in 1998 that there could be so many video games that...video games, imagine. back then when people thought of it, that there would be no more privacy. [ inaudible ] so let's just assume total transparency. not in a good way.

let's assume that everything you do can surveyed. well it's increasingly more and more of that is true. well then how do we attain our privacy? do we accept people [ inaudible ]. that's a social evolution waiting to happen. i've had students who wondered should talk about their sexuality on their blog. well we have a pretty open permissive society. what if they get a job in rural florida? privacy area is one that thrashing around for awhile. (cole) well do you think, we just asked students this question, how many of you are using privacy features in facebook?

and we saw that about seventy percent of our students are. so we've jumped from literally problem twelve months ago with people not getting privacy. students especially not getting privacy to now almost three quarters of them saying, i'm gonna make some of stuff a little harder for you to find. (bryan) i'm not all surprised. i think students have been thinking about this more than we give them credit for. and if they will publish stuff to live journal or zanga or facebook or myspace without, i think in part they're counting on people not following them. and that seems naive except that's not always naive.

i look at someone's live journal publication that's open and i'm thinking, well i could follow that. that's not hard. not every parent does that. every parent could, but now increasingly parents are. so nows time for privacy issues. (jim) we certainly had a incident here which i think turned the tide a little bit. we had a huge football victory over ohio state. the crowd rushed the field and as usual it was like, well we gotta get these guys off the field, some people were arrested. and what they did was that they took pictures of the people coming on to the field and people

posted it to facebook group say, i rushed the penn state field after the ohio state game, and it was actually used to identify people who did that. i mean it was sort of an admission of guilt. and i think some of the coverage of that particular story turned the tide a little bit in terms of getting them to think about privacy. getting the typical student to think about that. (bryan) it's quite an issue. i remember hearing about this case. and there are few other ones too. which school was it where the football team asked it's students not to use facebook or myspace?

because they were afraid of people posting things like that, but worse, or more dangerous. at the same time, i hope you contribute to the web. did you see the last slide i put up, the one with the vision? i mean, i think, it makes me want to celebrate that. if were gonna put content in itunes it's there by line. post something in angel [ inaudible ] worry about copyright we gotta keep behind so the teach act can cover that. i really worry that we're growing this shadow universe. and one of the reasons why media don't cover live journal, one of the reasons is because a

lots of the authors are women. and as the media stirs that blogs written by men, it's hard to get away from that. and also live journal was the first to pioneer blocking out pages. so all your friends could see it. and that doesn't show through google. and it's hard for a casual reporter to see. so you don't see as much. i hope you'll participate in the mobile web as much as possible. one thing that frustrates me about wikipedia discussions are they more or less how dangerous is the wikipedia? should i ban it totally or only part of the time? why don't just say, all of our education should jump on the wikipedia and make it better. edit it upwards. it's not hard.

and think about we have, how big is a faculty in the penn state system? (cole) five thousand. (bryan) five thousand, so imagine how many faculty there are in the united states. they're all credentialed. they logon through this process. well half of them just take five minutes a year. wouldn't that improve wikipedia. that's the kind of discussion we should be having. i think academia is still, aah, and no where near that. (cole) well i love the point of the sort of notion that we're building this shadow web, if you will, behind in the walled garden. but there's a couple things here, we work with faculty

and they tell us hey, i'll open my stuff up, but then when push comes to shove, they don't. but the other side of this, is the student content, but were seeing, is we're getting to roll a university wide blogging platform for example, we're probably a month away from this thing. where every faculty, staff, and student has a personal web space. (bryan) what engine are you using? (cole) moveable type and we made it work with our authentication. (bryan) so our you talking with the minnesota guys who did this? (cole) yeah, we talked with these guys. (bryan) well, great. break a leg. (cole) this is what's great about it is, that students can do this

and we see it as on a continuum with eportfolio. it's light on this side and then there's for blogging you can do some basic things. there's heavy end eportfolio. but can we get kids to come out of these other spaces? and that's the big question that i think we're wrestling with is so many of them are already in the facebook. they already have their myspace pages. they already are contributing in all the other places that they really own. you see what i'm saying. and then how do we draw them out and pull them into this architecture that we're providing? (bryan) there are a whole bunch of different ways. and one angle is that it's gotta be contrast. one thing that i keep running into

is, i was at an educause small college concession group meeting. and there's a big discussion about colleges that have the black web, black web ct, thinking about moodle, and there are all these great, brilliant conversations about the architecture, staffing, really good. and then someone asked, how many of you made a decision to do that or not to do it based on pedagogical reasons? one hand went up in like one hundred schools. do faculty blow this? do students know this? we're using blackboard. are you using it for pedagogical reasons? interesting question. so if you're gonna do this open

conversation or closed conversation or something in between like i don't know if you've seen this feature you can do with flickr, i'm sure you've seen this. where you can have some images visible to friends and some to [ inaudible ]. (cole) i posted a blog post about that about a month ago where i took my pictures from public then i moved them friends and family and then i invited people because my wife and i got a little nervous about the people looking at pictures of our five year old daughter. and i can't tell you, it was the most traffic post on my blog in two years. this open conversation about should i go public or private. (bryan) you had an open conversation? wow! (cole) in an open conversation and i got advice from literally dozens

and dozens of people on what to do. and stories about other people that have done this. (bryan) it's transparency. (cole) and it is. you know what it is, you make this decision to live a transparent life and then all of a sudden you take a step back from it, you say, is this the best thing. do my kids have a say? (jim) am i imposing this on my children. (cole) like saying to my five year old, just because i'm out there, you gotta be out there too. (bryan) so what's the legal basis of that for you and your five year old. for you as a teacher in the classroom what is your legal basis so student some who may be minors some of who are adults. and then you ask, then make an informed decision based, there is the privacy for your five year old,

i should ask the ninja? we're watching one in staff and someone took the ninja and they cut off his head and put one of our staff heads on, maybe that's offensive. but then there's also the pedagogical thing of will my need here for this one class? will this be enhanced by global potentially conversation or harmed? i don't think most people ask that question. i think that's the kind of question that you really have to talk about. because that is an architectural decision. it's a legal issue, copyright issue, and it's not predictable.

i had a conversation with two professors at one was a history professor, 17th century history, they are keen to make sure that doesn't get out to the world. i'm thinking, wow. i mean 17th century is pretty cool, but i didn't think it was that risky. the other one was teaching sexuality. they wanted to students to blog about their sex lives to the world. i would've expected the opposite. it's unpredictable. (cole) but don't you think that's where the conversation, at least in my mind, is starting to swing to. we're sort of through talking about these technologies for technologies sake and now it seems like people are starting to

think about these other things. (jim) how do we apply them? (bryan) i think there's a lot of, i think you're ahead of a lot of schools. (cole) i'm watching the blogosphere that i hang out in. it's the edublog space. so you know you're in my rss feed, and you know, stephen, and darcy and all these other people. and i'm sort of seeing this same theme emerge from a lot of people where people are taking a step back and reevaluating how we participate in this thing. and looking at how we be more responsible, but at the same time share. it's interesting, but it's almost becoming and i'm not all about o'reilly and his code of conduct and all those things, but

there has to be something there that's emerging. (bryan) this is where the [ inaudible ]. have you seen the [ inaudible ]? (cole) no, i didn't. (bryan) it was horrible. they used the word cute to describe [ inaudible ] three times. the had an action photo of the news picture closing in on her head. this is cnn. you know why i hate them? well it's the leading news agency for tv news america. possibly in the world and they suck. there's so much bad coverage. that makes it hard to have conversations. you're a professor, you're not intimate with it staff or the library and you want to talk about technology.

who's there? you're seven year old. maybe your colleague who's the same about you are you. your professional organization isn't gonna touch this. i mean, who? well cnn will through this at you with a chronicle. and that's a serious, serious problem. it's the only reason that we in nitle work so hard on every campus trying to improve the conversation if you can't. (cole) students self report that the first place that they go for help with anything, if it's making a movie, if it's understanding blogs, or how to use facebook, the first person they go to is a peer. and so that's another thing that we're really sort of interested, how do we make that connection happen?

(bryan) there is a study about flickr which is taking a look at how people search for flickrs. i have to find this story, i don't want to paraphrase it inaccurately. maybe it was the same header, if you were looking for images we were inclined to search their network first before they search the whole flickr verse. the interest in this network met with quite a similar process too. people would search for something. that pinging was important. (cole) so is that that trusted source? do we superimpose this thing that we create face to face on top of our social networks as well?

(bryan) i don't think it's superimposed. i think it's analog that can carry over. janet murray makes this argument that whenever you have this first stage where you take old practices and paste them onto new ones. and we've been doing that for awhile. (cole) so that's our second life conversation from this morning where what we're doing with second life right now, is were essentially just rebuilding this room. (bryan) so the harvard or yale law prof who built a copy of lecture hall. great, we got a bad pedagogical space and you spend money and time reproducing it. excellent, have some media coverage. (jim) i just had a conversation with one of our folks about this and

in regard to second life and he said, it reflects largely trying to get to grips with the new medium and the same way that in the early days of film, they set up a film camera and had theatrical production and they just filmed it and then they realized, hey, what if we change the angle. what if we splice things together. move the camera. what if we... (bryan) do you have[ inaudible ] book of new media, language of new media? (jim) no! (bryan) it's a great book. you should find it. especially if you like movies. it's a big focus on silent film. you get a real sense of how new media works. he's looking at vertog, and a, especially vertog

that we see him like breaking the laws of film. what happens if i have split screen? whoa, this is interesting. you look at mist, you look at myspace and it's like that. but then we have that second stage where you take the camera and move camera or splice in stuff. that's a little bit 2.0 in many ways. we have to get to that stage of thinking in those terms. where we can intrinsically deal with this. one of things that frustrates me about second life is that it has happened. one of the reason is because linden labs doesn't want you to think about history.

that we've been doing second life stuff for twenty years. there are projects just like this. adobe atmosphere, active worlds, [ inaudible ] nobody talks like julie dibble's breaking cyberspace. one of the most widely taught essays about cyberspace ever. 1993, they covered these same issues. we have to have that historical sense if we're gonna talk about this. so you want to talk virtual spaces, ok, how about, vroma, they built rome in the age of nero. 1990, i think. [ inaudible ] what did they learn?

no, it's brand new. you can't do that. for your profession instructional technology, academic computing, it's out of history have you seen the [ inaudible ] book? his computer book. the 40's he talked about. and it's hard. (cole) and it's hard for us. it's hard for people in our space and to take a step back and look backwards where were spending all this time looking out on the horizon and trying to turn our heads. (bryan) and look right here. making sure that this is on. we were just talking about the twitter feed breaking. (cole) yeah, it's hard. it's hard and it's

unreliable. and it is what it is. (bryan) there is a percentage in bring back history. it's really hard too. history isn't dead. [ inaudible ] that's the important point.

parenting styles in psychology

i find that parents a lot of times use guiltand shame as a way of feeble attempt to motivate their kids to do better. and for a lot ofreasons that doesn't work. the biggest reason is that most teenagers just by the fact thattheir teenagers and walking through things have lots of their own self induced guiltand shame. they know when they are screwing up. they know when they didn't have good grades.they know when they haven't came home on time and when they have been doing stuff that parentsmight not approve. and for them to then come home and hear from their parents all sortsof stuff about this, just makes them feel worse which keeps the problem going on. thereare a couple of ways that parents do this guilty and shaming. the worst offender isyour behavior is hurting me so much, your

behavior is an embarrassment to our family,your behavior is, well you got the idea. (why is the tactic such a bad idea? what is guiltand shaming? what could that lead to?) well, the problem with guilt, when kids have a lotof guilt and shame, is they end up doing things to cover for them. i have one of my kids whouse to quit jobs just by walking out of them and not giving notice and all of that andhe had so much shame about that that he didn't even go and pick up his last check. they almosthad to force it on him and then because he didn't clean it up the next job he went to,he did it all over again. all the times kids who are full of guilt and shame start gettinginto very addictive behaviors or they drop out of school. but the real thing that i wantto mention here is to talk about the fact

that parents do this guilt and shaming orthrowing guilt upon their kid for the wrong reasons. they are doing to motivate, but reallythe reason they are doing it is because they haven't separated their own feelings aboutthe process of parenting and what is going on and how it is affecting them from the actual.how do i become an affective parent to my kid? i can remember years ago when i had afoster kid who was just being an idiot. he just wasn't doing things in the way of itworking and i really, really, really felt

like getting a baseball bat, beating his headin. but that is so not much my character that i shocked and just saying wait a minute, stophere, let's go and keep your feelings out of this and start concentrating on workingwith the kid's feelings and motivating them

in a way that will work for him.

parenting styles authoritarian

there are no hard and fast rules of how youshould discipline your child. though parenting skills are equipped with all parents automatically,the level of the effectiveness varies according to the parenting styles applied by the parents. there are many books and classes about parentingstyle and which method to follow. authoritarian, permissive, and democratic are the three maintypes. authoritarian is considered to be a very strictway of disciplining. parents are always right. parents have full control over children. permissive parenting style is the total oppositeof authoritarian parenting style. the control lies with the children. no rules and regulationsto follow. children are free to do anything

they want. if authoritarian is considered to be blackand permissive is white, then democratic is gray. democratic parenting style is actuallythe combination of both styles joined together. so why is gray better than white or black? this style of parenting involves a lot ofcommunication and mutual understanding from both partners. there are rules and regulationswhich your child has to follow but you do listen and let them speak their minds. whenyou tell them wrong, be sure to give them the reason of why it is wrong and unacceptable. if there is going to be punishment involved,make sure they know why. this type of parenting

brings everyone together. you are giving yourchildren respect and they will reciprocate. you together with your child will be ableto handle conflicts in a better way. if they are right and you are wrong - say sorry. itis alright for parents to be wrong sometimes. your children will learn to think by themselveswhile being monitored by parents. you are not limiting their creativity, mind, thoughtsand passions in any way. you are simply guiding them. they will learn to become dependentwithin the boundaries that you have set for them. these rules and regulations should be flexiblewhen needed to be. for instance, as your child grows and faces new experiences and situationsin life, your disciplining method changes

but the core of it remains. one other thing i learned about the democraticstyle is there is lots of love and affection involved. you are constantly bonding withyour child. besides the fact that your child is going to grow up to be a well-behaved adultwith good attitude, your child will be close

to you and will think of you positively. thebest part is your child will consider you to be on his side and will be one of the first,if not first, person he thinks of when he faces challenges in life. to learn more about democratic parenting style,click the link below this video now!

parenting style quiz

>> welcome. thank you allfor being here. we're going to have some funtoday talking about parenting. before i start, i'd liketo make a few comments. first, i'd like to thankmy colleagues and students for allowing me to sharesome pictures of them in thispresentation. second of all, i am nota clinical psychologist, nor am i parentingexpert.

you can justask my husband. i am not aparenting expert.(chuckling) but i do hold a phd indevelopmental psychology, and i am especially interestedin children's development. i'm married and the motherof two girls, ages 5 and 12. as i use the word"parent" today, some of you willthink of yourselves. others of you might begodparents or guardians. some of you can thinkof your own parents

or whoeverraised you. and i'm justkind of curious, how many parents do we havein the audience today? if you'd mindraising your hands. all right. give yourself a hand,'cause parenting's not easy. right?(applause) today, i will be--i will not be discussing specific parentingtechniques.

rather, i'm going topresent you broad principles that you can applyacross a range of parentingsituations. next, i recognizethat family situations vary considerably today. there are nuclear families,divorced families, blended families, and allof this can make parenting more difficult. lastly, as a parent, it seemsyou can do everything right

and still things don'tturn out as you plan. children make mistakes,disorders unfold, life happens. i recall talking aboutrisk factors associated with sudden infant deathsyndrome in class once, and a woman raisedher hand and she said, "my child didn't have anyof those risk factors, "and he diedof sids." so, things happen. before we get into theresearch on parenting,

i think we have to askourselves the question, "why do we do this?" any parents inthe audience, have you ever askedyourself what life would be like if youhadn't made that choice? i was at my parents'house a while back, and i was having kindof a rough parenting day, and i went to getthe mail for them, and i saw this coverof "time" magazine.

"the childfree life." they look so relaxed,don't they? i read the article and ifound it quite interesting. i also know several peoplewho don't have children. and they do seemperfectly content, as the articlesuggests. there's also some researchto suggest that parenting is not synonymouswith happiness. however, i realizethat, for me,

a big part of my lifeis the joy i get from beinga mom. i like beingwith my kids, even if there aresome bad days. perhaps some ofyou feel the same. however, even if we doenjoy being parents, do we really makeany difference? a woman named judith harrisasked this question in her book, "the nurture assumption."

she argued that peersshape development more thanparents do. psychologist sandra scarrand david rowe argued that parents' influenceis primary in terms of thegenetic endowment passed on tothe child. as long as the homeenvironment is good enough-- that is, providing forbasic needs and not harming a child in any way--

how a childturns out is really a result of hisor her genetic propensities, not specific behaviors ordecisions of the parent. in a way, i thinkthis kinda takes a lot of the pressure off of usparents to do the right thing. lastly, there's moreresearch in the past decade about the power of siblingsto shape our personalities. anyone who remembers arguingwith your brothers or sisters as a child can attestto the fact that siblings

help define who we are,how we react to others, and who we become. and so, certainly, parentingis one piece of the puzzle in explaining who we areand who children become. but i like these wordsfrom jerome kagan, a prominent developmentalpsychologist, as he debated with judith harrisabout the role of parents. let's take a listen. >> (judith harris)give it up, guys.

go on outside and see what'shappening out there, okay? >> dr. kagan? >> (jerome kagan)yeah, but i want toask her two questions. yes... we haven't made muchprogress in 50 years. that's right, 'cause theproblem is pretty difficult. but i have twoquestions for you. number one. do you think that the valuesand perspective on society that parents givetheir children

while they still have themin the first ten years. "are peoplegood or bad? "be suspicious or not. "trust or not." which influence youradult personality. do you think children, once theyreach 15 and leave their home, suddenly forgetall those? i hope you believethat they carry them into theiradult lives.

and the secondpoint is this. i happen to be a fan ofautobiographies and memoirs. i bet, in my lifetime,i've read 200. and i can tell you, i have neverread one in which the author-- man or woman, musician orscientist, explorer-- said peers were the mostimportant influence on their lives. and i estimate overthree-quarters said that it wastheir parents--

their parents' valuesand actions toward them that had a profound influenceon what they were like, not as children,but as adults. >> okay. so, for today, let's assumethat parents do matter. i would like everyoneto think for a few moments about their prioritiesin raising children. would you just takea moment with someone who is sitting next to youand look at this list.

if you had to picktwo or three of those as your topparenting priorities, would you please tell yourneighbor what they might be? i'll give you aminute to do that. (general chatter) okay, thank youvery much. in thinking about parenting,most of us realize that our initialsource of knowledge comes fromour own parents.

how many times have you donesomething or said something to say,"oh, my gosh. "i've turned into my dad,"or "turned into my mother." other sources of knowledgecome from parenting blogs, perhaps clergy booksor television, or even intuition. more often, today, whenpeople have a question about raising a child,they turn to the internet. and there are some very helpfulparenting sites out there.

i put up an example of onei thought was pretty good. however, when we're visitingthese websites or blogs, it's important to keep yourcritical thinking skills sharp. and i'd like to share anexample about this with you. i had a student whowas researchingemotional development for an assignment, andshe found this website. at first glance, itappears to be an article linkingbreastfeeding with betteremotional development.

but it'sactually a blog. there is no reference toany scholarly research done on the topic, despite the fact thatthere is a quote that says "researchersclaim" about some data that supposedlywas collected. when i clicked to try to findthe original research, i was taken to another blog witha post written by "dr. greg," whoeverthat may be.

when i clicked on the bluelettering, i thought, "okay. "this is gonna take me tothe original research." however, it just broughtme to another blog. so this is really importantfor us to remember. and i'd like to show you anexample of a better example of how thiscould work. suppose you were researchingstress in children. and here's a website. when you click on thoseblue words that says

"one recent study," it takes you directly tothe scholarly research, so you can see for yourselfthe research that was done to supportthe claim. so, perhaps the best way to feelconfident in the credibility of what you're readingabout child development is to turn yourattention to scholarly, peer-reviewedacademic journals. empirical research providesa systematic way

to explore our questionsabout parenting. researchers utilizethe scientific method to formulate a question,gather data, run statistics, and then develop conclusionsbased on that data. this can provide us answers thatgo beyond simple speculation or opinion. now, as you can guess,researching parenting is not easy to do. how do you measure thecomplex interactions

that make up theparent-child relationship? one woman sought to do this,and her name is diana baumrind. i had the pleasure ofmeeting her years ago when i was ingraduate school. she is now86 years old. back in the late 1960sin berkeley, california, baumrind observedinteractions between mothers and young childrenin their homes. her use of observationinstead of self-report

is considered by many to be thegold standard as a methodology for studying parent-childinteractions. in her originalstudy of parenting, 150 caucasianpreschoolers-- average age of four years--were observed at school and at home during two homevisits of three hours each, followed by astructured interview with the motherand father. the goal of the research wasto describe the parenting

used by the mother. and i should note that,since then, the method has been used withfathers as well. styles were based upon twodimensions that baumrind noticed differedacross mothers. that of warmthand control, or responsivenessand demandingness. so, i'd like to reviewthose types with you. i'm going to quote directlyfrom baumrind's 1967 article,

in which she describesthe styles of the mothers. again, remember,the descriptions could certainly applyto fathers as well. so, first, let's look atthe permissive parent. this parent is high on warmth,but low on control. in baumrind's words,"the permissive parent "attempts to behave ina non-punitive, acceptant, "and affirmative mannertoward the child's impulses, "desires,and actions.

"she consults with himabout policy decisions "and gives explanationsfor family rules. "she makes few demands forhousehold responsibility "and orderly behavior. "she presents herself to thechild as a resource for him "to use as he wishes, not asan ideal for him to emulate, "nor as an active agentresponsible for shaping "or altering his ongoingor future behavior. "she allows the child toregulate his own activities

"as much as possible. "she avoids theexercise of control "and does notencourage him "to obey externally-definedstandards. "she attempts to usereason and manipulation, "but not overt power,to accomplish her ends." so, let's take a lookat a classic clip here from "willy wonka" that'sa little bit dramatic, but i think itgives you the idea.

(clip from "willy wonkaand the chocolate factory") >> harder? 19,000 bars an hourthey're shelling. 760,000 are done so far!>> you promised, daddy! you promised i'd haveit the very first day! >> you're going to be veryunpopular around here, henry, if you don'tdeliver soon. >> it breaks myheart, henrietta. oh, i hate tosee her unhappy.

>> i won't talkto you ever again! you're a rotten,mean father! you never get meanything i want! i won't go to schooltill i have it. >> veruca, sweetheart. angel. now, there are only four ticketsleft in the whole world, and the whole ruddy world'shunting for them! (yelling)what can i do?!

>> (chuckling)okay. so, again, a little dramatic,but you get the idea. who's in chargein that scenario is what you shouldbe asking yourself. let's take a look next atthe authoritarian style. this is a combination oflow warmth and high control. "the authoritarian parentattempts to shape, control, "and evaluate the behaviorand attitudes of the child "in accordance with aset standard of conduct,

"usually an absolute standard,theologically motivated, "and formulated bya higher authority. "she values obedience asa virtue and favors punitive, "forceful measuresto curb self-will "at points where the child'sactions or beliefs "conflict with what shethinks is right conduct. "she believes in keepingthe child in his place, "in restrictinghis autonomy, "and in assigninghousehold responsibilities

"in order to incalculaterespect for work. "she regards thepreservation of order "and traditional structure asa highly valued end in itself. "she does not encourageverbal give-and-take, "believing that the childshould accept her word "for what is right." baumrind adds,"these parents are less warm, "more detached,and controlling." now, i thinkauthoritarian parenting

can run a littlebit on a continuum from astrict parent but who rarely usesphysical punishment to, really, aborderline verbally and physicallyabusive parent. i'd like to sharea clip with you that perhaps doesn't representall of authoritarian parents, but i think it does give youa little bit of an example. (clip from "that '70s show")

(music) >> jeez, i wish i hada quarter for every time i caught you making outwith the neighbor girl! (laugh track) >> wish i had a quarter forevery time you embarrassed me. >> i wish you did, too. 'cause then you'dbe a millionaire and you could findsomeplace else to live! >> what?

leave all this? >> okay, fellas,who wants brownies and a nice glassof milk? >> oh, jeez. >> well, isn'tthis a happy house? >> yeah. >> this is nota happy house. >> well, you just saidthis was a happy house. >> well, that'snot what i meant.

it was sarcasm. >> well, who the hellknows what you mean when you won't saywhat you mean? >> i don't like how you'retreating the children. >> (sighing) look, kitty, i'm notgonna let our kids go down thewrong path. but if you havea better idea... i'm all ears.>> okay.

maybe you could bea little less strict and a littlemore loving. >> okay, kitty, enoughwith the sarcasm. >> oh, no...honey. >> yup, he thoughthe could sneak out. >> so, what now,ho chi minh? >> oh, i'll tellyou one thing. play time is over. your friends are no longerallowed in the house.

>> wait-- what?>> no, no. we'll talk aboutit in the morning. >> fine. we'll talk about how yourfriends are no longer allowed in the house!(laugh track) so, next, let's look atthe authoritative style. "the authoritative parentattempts to direct "the child's activities in arational, issue-oriented manner. "she encourages verbalgive-and-take,

"shares with the child thereasoning behind her policy, "and solicits objectionswhen he refuses to conform. "both autonomous self-willand disciplined conformity "are valued by theauthoritative parent. "therefore, she exertsfirm control at points "of parent-childdivergence, "but does not hem the childin with the restrictions. "she enforces her ownperspective as an adult, "but recognizes the child'sindividual interests

"and special ways. "the authoritative parent "affirms the child'spresent qualities, "but also sets standardsfor future conduct. "she uses reason, power,and shaping by regimen "and reinforcement toachieve her objectives "and does not base herdecisions on group consensus "or the individualchild's desires." so, this style attemptsto balance high-control

with warmth and receptivenessto the child's communication. this helps the child growand learn within a firm, but loving environment. and i'd like to show thisexample from "full house" about authoritativeparenting. (clip from "full house") >> here goes... my science grade was an f andkimmy changed it to an a. >> i'm just guessing she doesn'thave the authority to do this.

>> dad, i'm sorry. but with work andall my other classes, i didn't have time to studyfor my science test. >> then you shouldhave come to me and told me whatwas going on. dj, we had anunderstanding. you want to be aresponsible adult, and this is the leastresponsible thing you could have done.

>> i just wanted to prove thati could earn my own money. >> well, that's allout the window now. because you haveto quit your job and no hanging outdown at the mall until you pull upthat grade. i guess i'll go backto being a kid again. >> deej, there's nothingwrong with being a kid. you should enjoy it. you've got the rest ofyour life to be an adult.

>> well, i guessif being an adult means wearing a red mopon my head, i can handle being a kida little longer. (both chuckling) >> in case i forgot to mentionit, you're a pretty great kid. >> thanks, dad. >> aww. can we all just say,"awww," yeah? so, that's theauthoritative style.

later, baumrind added a categorycalled "permissive neglectful," in which parents havelow-warmth and low control. these parents are basicallyabsent from a child's life. they show littleinterest in parenting. okay. now that we have reviewed thestyles, the question remains-- "can these stylespredict child outcomes?" in other words,"does it matter?" does it matter what styleof parenting you use,

in terms of the traitsor behaviors your child will demonstrateas a result? literally hundredsof studies have utilized baumrind'sparenting styles across a variety offamily situations. i'd like you-- again witha neighbor, please-- to just makesome predictions. from these parentingstyles, what do you-- what kind of child outcomes doyou think would be associated

with each of those? how do you thinkthe kids turn out? i'll give you a minuteto do that, please. (audience stops talking) thank you very much. i will share with yousome of the correlations that havebeen found. now, pleasekeep in mind, these correlationsare generally modest,

but they are statisticallysignificant. in other words, many thingsaffect how a child will turn out. but parenting styles do appearto play an important role. so, let's take a look atthe permissive style. this has correlated with lowlevels of self-reliance, exploration,and self-control. that was from baumrind'soriginal study. other studies found thatchildren of permissive parents

are more likely tohave difficulty controllingtheir behavior. they may be more egocentric,non-compliant, domineering, and have difficulties intheir peer relations. so, maybe you predictedsome of those things. next, when we look atauthoritarian parenting-- that's the more low-warmth,high control parenting. in baumrind's original research,authoritarian parenting was associated with childrenwho were more discontent,

withdrawn, anddistressful-- distrustful comparedto other children. findings from other researchfound that children of authoritarian parents weremore likely to be unhappy, fearful,and anxious about comparingthemselves to others. they also showedless initiative, had weakercommunication skills, and boys especiallyshowed more aggression.

in the teen years, childrenof authoritarian fathers were more likely toabuse substances and show delinquentbehavior. a recent article in the"journal of child development" found that harsh wordsdirected at a teenager in an effort to curb behaviormay actually backfire. in a study of nearly 1,000middle-class families-- majority white,40% african-american families-- teens whose parents usedscreaming, name-calling,

or insults weremore likely to lie, steal, cheat, andfight outside the home... often the very behaviors thatthe parents were trying to stop. now, we haven'tmentioned the elephant in the livingroom here, which is the use of corporalpunishment in parenting. actually, diana baumrindoriginally wrote that a mild amount of physicaldiscipline was not damaging. however, many studies since havefound negative side effects

of harsh corporal punishment,including lower intelligence, fear, and aggressionamong the children. and when you think back to thatlist of parenting priorities we had up here, i don't thinkhaving an aggressive child is high onanyone's list. when we look atauthoritative parenting, there's just a numberof positive outcomes associated with it. these outcomesmake sense to me.

when you balancedemands on a child within an atmosphereof love, a childwill thrive. a recent study byjoseph allen and colleagues at the university of virginiafound that teens who learned to arguewith their parents were more likely to confidentlyresist peer pressure for substance abuse. i'd like to play you ashort clip about this.

>> --can providelife-long benefits. >> almost all parentsand teenagers argue, but psychologist joseph allen,with the university of virginia, says it's how they argue thatmakes all the difference. >> we tell parents tothink of those arguments not just asa nuisance. think of them as acritical training ground. >> training in how to argue withcalm and persuasive points. not with yelling, whining,threats, or insults.

in allen's study, 15713-year-olds were videotaped describing their biggestdisagreement with parents. the most common argumentswere over grades, chores, money, and friends. the tape was then playedfor both parent and teen. >> parents reacted in awhole variety of ways. you know, some of themlaughed uncomfortably. some of themrolled their eyes. and a number of them doveright in and said, "okay.

"let's talkabout this." and talking seriouslyabout it, says allen, is exactly whatparents should do. >> we found that what a teenlearned in handling these kinds of disagreementswith their parents was almost exactly what theytook into their peer world. >> the peer world, with allits pressures to conform to risky behavior likedrugs and alcohol. allen interviewed theteens again at 15 and 16.

>> the teens who learnedto be calm and confident and persuasivewith their parents acted the same way whenthey were with their peers. >> and were able toconfidently disagree. saying no, they didn't wantto do drugs or drink alcohol. in fact, they were40% more likely to say no than kids who didn'targue with their parents. for those kids, it was anentirely different story. >> they would backdown right away.

they would say, "well, i wasgonna talk about curfews, "but i know you don't wantme to have a late curfew, "so i guess we'reokay on that." and, from interviewingthose teens, we knew they weren'tokay about it. we knew they werejust backing down. that somewhere, they hadlearned there's no point in arguingabout this. and those were the teens thatwe really had to worry about.

those were the teens that,when their friends would say, "hey, let's go out andget drunk tonight," those were the teens thatwould say, "well, okay." >> bottom line? effective arguing acted assomething of an inoculation against negativepeer pressure. kids who felt confidentto express themselves to their parentsalso felt confident being honest withtheir friends.

so, in thinking aboutthese parenting styles, you might assume thatthings are clear cut. however, we all know thingsdon't work out that way. for one thing, what if twoparents in the same household have differentparenting styles? it's obviously difficult tomeasure the effect of this. what about parentinggirls versus boys? any difference there,do you think? first-borns versuslater-born children?

special needs children? temperamentallydifficult children. all of these issues can affectthe way parents parent. however, with a few exceptions,overall authoritative parenting is linked with positivechild outcomes in research across a wide rangeof ethnic groups, cultures, family structures,and social class. however, thereis some evidence that baumrind's originalparenting styles

might not apply as wellin some ethnic groups. for example, ina study published in the "family process journal,"61% of latino parents that were studied adoptedwhat the researchers called a "protectiveparenting" style. this is high in warmth,high in control, but low inautonomy-granting. now, this study did notexplore the correlation between that styleand child outcomes...

which would beinteresting. a study in spain foundthat permissive parenting was associated with positiveacademic achievement for the children. however, it should be noted thisstudy was based on self-report, not direct observationof parenting styles, and that may affectthe results. studies of asian-americanparenting have linked authoritarianparenting

with positive academicachievement among children. ruth chao introducedthe concept of "training" among chinese parentsin her 1994 article in "child development." she noted that chineseparents train children to conform tosocially desirable and culturallyapproved behavior. more recently, amy chuare-ignited the conversation about chineseparenting in her memoir

"battle hymn ofthe tiger mother." this was a book thatspurred passionate debate on parenting blogs andtelevision networks everywhere. research onafrican-american parenting has also not followeda straightforward path of parenting styleto child outcomes. studies among lower incomeafrican-american populations found that the authoritarianstyle predicted academic success among childrenand teens.

authors of these studieshave suggested that, in someneighborhoods, being strictis vital... and strictness is seenas a sign of love. however, a 2002 study ofafrican-american mothers by jane queridoand colleagues controlled for socioeconomicstatus in their research. they found thatthe majority of middle-classafrican-american mothers

used the authoritativestyle of parenting, with very littlephysical punishment. these authors assertthat the real variable is socioeconomic status,not ethnicity. so, clearly, more researchis needed on the effects of these parenting stylesfor different groups. regardless of the styleof parenting chosen, all parents todayface daily decisions about raisinga child.

there are so many issuesthat we could discuss today. nutrition, sleep, technology,sports, drug use. you name it, parents aredealing with it to some degree. parentingis not easy. but today, i would liketo spend some time talking about how to nurturethis magnificent organ of ours called the brain. particularly in theearly years of life. there's a great awarenesstoday about the importance

of stimulating children'scognitive development in those early years,say ages birth to six. thanks to our advances inneuroscience-- look it-- he's got a shower cap onhis head with electrodes to measure hisbrainwaves. this is advancementsin neuroscience. we're able to explore thenature of the human brain in ways unforeseenin decades past. in addition, both animal andhuman research has highlighted

the importance of the earlyyears in shaping the brain. these are images of slices ofa human cortex of the brain at various ages,taken at autopsy. you can see that thebranching of dendrites increases greatly fromzero to two years of age. this is a good thing. this means that neural pathwaysare being formed. this is followed by pruning,in which the brain cuts away unused or unnecessaryneural connections

to make the brainmore efficient. the question is, "howdoes the brain move "from looking like it does atbirth to there, at 24 months?" part of it issimply maturation. as we age, ourneurons connect. however, experience playsa vital role, as well. animal research has shown usthat experience is important in making theseneural connections. take this exampleby michael nielsen

and his colleagues. this control group of ratsgot to stay in boring cages, day after day. but the other treatmentgroup got the equivalent of rat disneyland. and they found that the ratsin the disneyland version had increased neurogenesisin parts of the brain related to learningand memory. so, this tells usexperiences matter.

in humans, we have disturbingexamples of the impact of early deprivationon the brain. this image is of childrenin romanian orphanages under the dictatorshipof nicolae ceausescu. he outlawedbirth control until a woman had atleast five children, wanting to createan army of workers. unfortunately, the familiescouldn't afford the children and the state convinced themthat the orphanages were fine.

that they couldraise the children. sadly, there are stillover 70,000 children in these orphanages today. but, as you can seefrom these images, studies have foundconsiderable deficits in areas of the brain related tolanguage, social behavior, motor skills, and emotionaldevelopment among children in orphanages. compared to children who havesomeone to hug, hold, comfort,

and read to them. i recognize thatbrain imaging studies can't definitivelyindicate cause-effect, but i think, in this case,it's pretty obvious the source ofthe differences. so, clearly, we havesome telling evidence that infants andchildren need us. the brain needsenvironmental input in order todevelop properly.

i'd like you to, again,please take a minute with your neighbor... and just take a lookat these examples. what do you thinkof these ideas for stimulatingcognitive development in the first fewyears of life? good ideas? what do you think? thank you.

as the research on braindevelopment has made its way into popular culture, it seemsto me that the toy companies have convincedmany parents that the key to successfulbrain development is through infant dvds, computergames that teach the alphabet, and expensive programslike, "your baby can read." so, i'd like to show youan example of a parent who stronglybelieves this idea. >> these are flash cardsfor multiplication.

it's never too soon to getstarted on this type of thing. i mean, we justbought these recently, and some peoplemight say, you know, of course she's notready for this. but unless you try, how doyou know they're not ready? maybe she'll get it. she's gonna bethree this summer, so we're gonnaget started. she's got maracas anda tambourine, right?

because we think the artsare very important. we want her tobe well rounded. and, also, when she goes toschool, this is important. and we had her in-- i had herin music together classes, which is a mommy and memusic program. before she was a year, westarted going to those, and they learnall about rhythms. a lot of theseprograms are fun, too, but, you know, we alwayswant to be remembering

what our final goal is. we just have to gether into something. she just has to get intoone of the programs. i mean,i don't know. maybe she could get--worst case scenario, we would put her inone of the preschools that will takealmost anybody, but i hope it doesn'tcome to that. i want to try to get herinto one of the best programs so

she can be preppedfor later in life. >> (baby speaking,gibberish). >> and i think that's important,that she does get to play. you know, that shegets fresh air and that she getsout to play. but most of the day, i think it's better forher to have structure, because i see so many kidsare just sitting around watching tvall day,

and they're justwasting their time. if you want your childto get ahead and accomplish things in life,they just have to do it. they just have to reallystep up to the plate. ironically, a studyamong infants found a negative correlationbetween infant videos and languagedevelopment. the more hoursof dvd videos infants ages 8-16 monthswatched,

the lower their score on ameasure of communication. infants don't learn languageby watching a video. they learn it throughhuman interaction. having a smart childin today's world seems to have become atop priority for parents. and it feels to me like thepressure on young children to produce and performhas intensified. don't misunderstand me. i want a successful childas much as the next person.

but if we look at thoseparenting priorities, i do wonder, "has havingan intelligent child "become the toppriority?" i saw this billboard onthe side of a bus once. i fully supportbreastfeeding. there are many benefitsassociated with it. but clearly, the implicationand purpose of this ad is to say if a womantries breastfeeding, she will increase thechance that her child

will become a rocketscientist in the future. and then, there is thehonor roll bumper sticker. now, i asked some of my studentswhat they think about this, and we agreed that we don'thave anything against them. it's great to beproud of your child. but is it possible thatit might create pressure for your child? i'm using it here todayas just another example of how important being smarthas become to parents.

then, of course, there'sthe rebuttal sticker. (audience laughing) the "my snake is smarter thanyour honor student" sticker. and i've neverseen any of-- anyone's car have thesetwo on the bottom here, but i would loveto see it. and i thought, "well,maybe some parents assume "'of course my kid's kind,but making the honor roll "'is anaccomplishment.'"

but i would argue that, today,with the problems we have with social crueltyand bullying, being kind is definitelyan accomplishment. a student in one of my onlinecourses wrote recently that a child shouldknow how to read before he or sheenters kindergarten, and i thought, "how didthey get that idea?" do you rememberkindergarten? when i was inkindergarten,

back in the day...(laughing) we played and we colored,we even had a rest time. and it was only ahalf-day kindergarten. and i loved school. today, experts assertthat kindergarten is much more likefirst grade. children are frequentlytested on their skills. the curriculum ismuch more rigorous. they have homework.

and that led me to ask,"are children ready "for this ramped-upcurriculum?" are children really smartertoday that they can handle this? according to the gesellinstitute for human development, the answer is no. at least for theaverage child. in a nationwide studyof 1,200 children, the average age amongthree- to six-year-olds for drawing a triangle orcounting four pennies,

was the same todayas it was in 1925, when arnold gesell conductedhis original research. marcy guddemi, the directorof the gesell institute, states, "people thinkchildren are smarter "and that they're able todo these things earlier "than they used to be able to,and they can't." i would argue thatsome children can, but it's the ones that can'tthat i'm concerned about. so, let's get back to this ideaof how do we nurture the brain

in those earlyyears of life? what shouldwe be doing? talk to a child. in a longitudinal study, hartand risley observed mothers and infants intheir homes. they found a positivecorrelation between the number of wordsthe child heard during infancy, starting at ten months, and the child'svocabulary at age three.

in a year, children inprofessional families heard an average of 6 millionmore words than children in middle-classfamilies. and 8 million morewords than children in welfare families. the range was actually32 million words. and the amount of wordsheard by an infant translated into his or hervocabulary development at age three.

preschoolers of professionalparents spoke about 1,100 words, in working class familiesabout 750, and in welfare familiesabout 500 words. so, what doesthis tell you? talk to infants. when you're in the grocerystore with your 10-month-old, talk aboutwhat you see. who cares if people thinkyou look kinda crazy talking to a10-month-old, right?

it will help theirvocabulary development. in research thati published under the directionof fred morrison at loyola universityof chicago, we found that the strongestpredictor of a child's reading and vocabulary skills uponentering kindergarten was the literacyenvironment of the family. did they readto the child? did they monitor howmuch tv he watched?

did they take herto the library? these are notexpensive things to do. but they take effortand consistency. and they make a huge differencein the cognitive development of a child. if you don't believe me,i'll show you a clip here from jim carrey, andmaybe you'll believe him. let's see. (applause)

>> you know, i readto my daughter, and i am, you know,reading to jackson, and i read tojenny's son, evan. and it's alwaysbeen so much fun. i really wanted to--with this book, i wanted to be part of themoment at the end of the day when parents puteverything else away, and they give their kidsthat undivided attention that they so need,you know?

it's the most important thingin the world to a kid. it really is. 'cause it tells themthat they mean something. they're important. and, you know, they don'trob banks when they grow up. they makebetter choices, you know, if you dothat kind of-- so, creating thatliteracy environment. another idea is to simplyenjoy music and art together.

but, again,in a fun way. my husband grows a garden withour girls' help every year. and this is such a greatway for them to learn and have a senseof accomplishment when they see that end productthat they've created. and there's so manylearning opportunities that can happen informally whenyou create a garden together. it's not worksheets thatyou're doing together, but the learning happens asyou have those conversations.

as you're choosingout the seeds-- "how many should youhave for each row?" that kind of a thing. you can talk aboutvegetables and fruits. i don't know if you realize, butthere's a substantial portion of children today who don'tknow that french fries come from potatoes. so, you can just-- you cantalk about these things and the learning happens--again, informally.

one of the best ways to nurtureyour child's development is simply to play. allow them time to playand to play with them. when you play with a child, youare being given the opportunity to see what is so very importantto him or her at the time. for younger kids, you mightpretend to be a customer at the restaurant or asuperhero on their team. for older kids, you mightplay catch, shoot hoops, go see some music togetheror a sporting event.

and, please, turn off yourcell phone when you do it. as much as possible, kidsneed us to be there for them and fully presentwhen we play with them. a survey conducted by the ymcafound that teenagers wished that their parents wouldspend more time with them. they frequently nameda parent as their hero. they valued the timewith their family. now, i'm gonnatake a risk here, but i'd like to share afew examples with you,

from my ownhousehold, of how learning canhappen through play. my daughter and her friend hada pumpkin sale the other day on the driveway, and,as they did it, it was so interesting thatthey talked about the shapes of the pumpkins, thesize of the pumpkins. this girl chargedme $20 a pumpkin, and then my daughtersaid, "no, it's okay. "you can just pay a dollar."(chuckling)

so they're-- again, they'relearning through their play. this is an example where we'resorting letters together. i'll show you just alittle bit of this. >> just startedrecording. >> r!>> r! >> awesome! all rs? cool. let's put themin a pile.

all right, nowwhat do we do? >> another p.>> found a letter p? there's a letter p! cool, do we alreadyhave a group of ps? >> umm, no. >> okay, so again-- this one,to me, isn't pretend play, which is whati would rather see, but the atmosphere in which wedid this-- it was not about, "you have to getthese letters right."

it's just fun. you just keep it casualand fun and they'll learn. and this is aexample of charades. all right, we got a littlecharades going on, here, with the byerwalters--who's up next? >> my turn!>> okay, emma. what do you got?>> an animal. okay? >> a unicorn!

>> a dancing princess... on a pizza! >> elephant.>> a snake. >> (laughing)no! >> i'm chopping it! >> oh, honey.>> you okay? >> yeah!>> okay, you gotta be careful. >> you are a-->> dancing pillow! >> a bird?>> a crunchy pillow?

>> alligator! >> you are a-->> aardvark! >> aardvark,i like that. i kind of likea hedgehog. are you a hedgehog?>> (laughing) no. here, doesthat work better? >> a shark!>> yes! >> okay, ellie--what have you got? >> i have a cardbehind me.

>> you're a ballerina.>> slow down, el. slow down. >> maybe youshouldn't spin. >> (indistinct speaking). (all laughing) >> can you actsomething out? can you be something? okay, you can alsolearn a bit about where your child's cognitivedevelopment level is

as you play a gamelike that, right? so, i would just say take timeto interact with your child and the learningwill come. your child will not onlybecome smarter as a result, but he or she will haveyour love and attention, which is really what a childwants and needs the most. so, i would concludewith this slide. think of your child lessas a product to create and more as a personto enjoy.

so, we have sometime for questions. >> (inaudible speaking). >> oh, thank you! she said i dida great job. >> i have a personalexperience i don't really knowhow to handle. my son is really good at home,but then when i bring him-- when he goes to school,he acts out. and i feel like, at home,i'm doing a really good job

(indistinct speaking)... he's sowell-mannered... and he's alsoautistic as well. so, she had a question about herchild who suffers from autism and just how difficult it is forher with the parenting at home versus out at schooland out in the world. and i would be happyto talk with you more, maybe evenafter the talk. again, because whenever youhave a specific situation

when it comesto parenting, i don't think thereis one right answer, and sometimesit's hard to know without knowingthe full situation. but, again, i think youcan take these principles that we've talked about todayand try to apply them. but i'd be happy to talkwith you more about it. in the back row. >> about, like,when you were talkingabout the kindergartners.

when i was in-- i wentthrough preschool and then, becausehow i was, my parents thought i neededto go to kindergarten again. and that actually did help mewith kind of the learning curve, i guess you'd say. >> so he's talking,really, about when do you have achild start kindergarten. and there's--that's a great question and the research has reallytried to look at that.

i find it kind of interestingthat different states have different cut-off agesfor how old a child has to be when they goto kindergarten. and the research wouldsay that, academically, often if your childmakes the cut-off, go ahead andsend them. but sometimes, socially iswhere parents also think about, "does my child maybeneed that extra year?" yes?

>> i was wondering--you have a child-- sometimes, like--can both parents-- say both parentsare, like-- one is the oppositeof the other. so, one is like really(indistinct) to the child, you know,more talkative. and the other one is,like, the authoritarian. so, like, my daughter--with everybody else... (indistinct).

>> right-- so hisquestion was, again, looking at what i mentionedearlier about what happens when you have two parents withdifferent parenting styles. and can you guess kindawhat the traditionalframework is for that? the mother tends tobe more... permissive. you know, and thetraditional structure was dad was moreauthoritarian. but, as you say, sometimesthat can make it difficult for the child.

and again, the researchreally has had a hard time looking at thatcombination. how do you sort out whatgoes with what parent and what the effectsof that are? i think, you know, the bestthing is if both parents can get on board withthat authoritative style. so, maybe the one who'smore strict needs to learn to show a little love-- say "i love you"once in a while,

give them a hug, cut themsome slack once in a while. and then, maybe themore permissive one needs to learn that it'sokay to say "no" to a child. you know? you will surviveif you say "no." and so will they, right? would parents be more--have more difficulty with how tocontrol the child because they don't understandhow to do it, per se.

like they're alwaystrying to show love, but having the cut offpoint of what not to do. well, as it pertainsto my (indistinct) or it's just thembeing a child and not listeningto mommy and daddy. >> yeah, i would say that'seven more of a comment than a question. she was just saying how when youhave a special needs child, it can be hard tosort out whether this

is just typicalchild behavior or whether it's an example ofthe child's special needs. and so, i feelfor you on that, because i'm sure that's verydifficult to do some days. >> do you think thatreadiness assessments for kindergartenare positive or negative? it takes about 25 minutesfor them to assess if your child'sready or not. i don't know ifthey're effective.

i don't feelthat they are. i feel that it doesn't giveenough time to see a child, but i was just kindof wondering-- she's asking about kindergartenreadiness assessments. and i don't know enoughabout that, probably, to answerit for you. but i would say that whati've seen in the literature is different districts seem tohave different assessments associated with whethera child is ready or not.

so, i remember reading once that65% of kindergarten teachers said that they didn't thinkthe children had the skills they wanted them to. and what kindergartenteachers are looking for is "can they sit still? "can they payattention? "do they have thosesocial skills?" not, "do they know their colors,their shapes, and numbers?" which seems to be thefocus for so many people.

but-->> going off of that. i have a sister who went toa school in comstock park and then she transferredover to kentwood, and she had to end up repeating,like, the first grade because kentwood didn't feelthat she was ready enough based off of what shelearned in comstock park. and then, i also think thata lot of our society is so technology-based. like, she's in the first gradeand she has to do online math

and readingand everything. and it's just, like, withthem having reading online versus her, like, readingthe physical book in front of her and gettingto sound everything out. like, i don't know ifi'm mishearing the way that she's learningand that kind of thing. so, you're lookingkind of a little bit about the child's individuallearning style as well, and the whole technologyis so interesting.

so, kindergartners are takingtech literacy class once a week to learn how to use thosecomputers and things. we have timefor one more. >> to kind of go offof what she was saying, i think kids should be ableto learn at their own pace. i know i had ahard time learning at what the school's pace waswith math. learning english even.>> right. so, you're seeing the need fora bumper sticker that says,

"my child can learnat his own pace." (chuckling)that would be very good. yes, i agree. all right,thank you very much.