parenting together

life is often described as a rollercoaster. it has its ups and its downs. relationships go through smooth times but there are also times when things can become difficult. separated parents can find the journey of co-parenting particularly bumpy at times. things often get rough at times of change; if you or your ex gets a new job or a new partner, there may be a request to change the parenting time arrangements. as children get older their needs change and we have to renegotiate how things work. this can feel like a challenge for both parents and children. the prospect of change can be unsettling. we feel unsure of how the future plans will be and not confident that we can cope.

we can easily feel we are on the brink of losing control. at this point we may need some help. even if it is just having someone to share the fear with. the other parent may be the person to talk to but when you are both anxious this can be hard. so we may talk to family and friends who we trust. sometimes we may turn to someone like a mediator or a solicitor for some help. if we don’t get support and leave things to get worse we may find ourselves in crisis. if we reach that point it becomes harder, though not impossible, to get back on track. harder, because getting into crisis can mean that we are more likely to behave in ways that damage ourselves, our children and the relationship we have with the other parent.

with support these parents worked out how to get through the crisis. they are getting on better and have a new sense of stability for themselves and their children. these parents never got to crisis point because they were able to stop things from getting worse. they’ve done this by supporting each other as parents and by putting the needs of the children before their own.

if a difficulty arose they worked hard to resolve their differences and look for compromises. they might have called on friends and family to help or turned to someone like a mediator. by sorting things out sooner rather than later they’ve prevented their children and their relationship as parents from being damaged. they’ve got back on track more easily and they’ve learnt ways to cope for next time.