parenting today's teens

chap: as i’ve reflected on the state ofkids, most of my work the last 10 or so years has been to try to understand them from theirperspective. i’ve gotten a lot of hits for that because almost all scholars that studykids take their theories and then interview or use questionnaires to try to figure outhow kids will respond to the categories they present to kids. in other words whether wewant to talk to kids about family or their parents in particular or about sexuality orabout faith, we will have these kind of rubrics, these boxes of conversation. well as soonas we do that we take that child or adolescent and we throw them into this box, then theyknow they have to play according to the rules

of the box that we set before them. it’snot coming from inside them when we interview teenagers today. it’s coming from what theyare trying to assess are the rules of that agenda with that adult. i…i know that that’scomplicated but this move from being a child where you’re just dependent on the peoplearound you and just serving them into trying to have more of a sense of your own self asyou become a unique individual but you can’t do that when you have all these adults thatare saying here’s how you’re supposed to be. let’s talk about religion. the kidjumps into the box of religion and has the conversation about faith. it doesn’t meanit isn’t a part of them but it is almost never coming from the depth of who they are.what they want to ask is who am i as a unique

person? what kind of power do i have? doesanybody appreciate my gifts and strengths and talents or is it only because i can servetheir agenda? paul: yeah, it’s...it’s tough as a teenagertrying to figure out who you are. and i think

a lot of teenagers’ behaviors look likethey don’t care, they don’t care who you think they should be. and even the...the definitionof the word “rebellion” seems to be that, “i don’t want expectations. i don’twant to have to become something.” and yet often behind that rebellion is a desire...desperatedesire to be something.