♪ receptionist: lalonde? angie: when i was younger, i thought i'd findthe perfect partner, we'd have thewhite picket fence, make babies, and then i was singlefor a really long time. and i'm still not in arelationship, and i'm also not twenty, so...
i started talking toother single parents to really hear abouttheir experiences. i thought that i would meetreally sad, broken, people, but i saw really happy, strong , empowered women. most of these women werequeer like me so i thought "yeah, i'm gonna go for it!" rn: hi, i'm one of the nurseshere at this clinic. i have two wonderful children, and i love my job.
helping people have children isa beautiful thing to be part of. but you know, way back when iwas in nursing school, they didn't teach usabout how to work with l... gb... t people. [chuckles] oh i mean lgbt q people. all i learned about washeterosexual infertility. i learned a lot onmy job everyday.
rn: i see here thatyou haven't indicated which sperm bank you'll begetting your sperm from. angie: yeah, i'm still trying tofind the right sperm donor. i'm mã©tis, trying tofind a mã©tis donor. not sure there's a whole lot ofoptions to choose from in terms of sperm donors. rn: well you can let us knowwhen you have decided. do you have any questions aboutthe services that we offer? angie: yeah, i'm concerned aboutthe cost of insemination.
i couldn't find the pricesanywhere on the web site. rn: well it would really dependon which routes we follow. how well you respondto treatments, how many tries... we really can't say until webegin and run some tests. angie: i mean, i don't knowthat i can afford it, so i need something . i'm going to be coming fromgoderich, so i'll have transportation costs,hotel costs,
and i have to miss work. can you tell me how manyvisits i might have to make? rn: [sighs] visits? no. an estimate, well you're looking at anythingbetween $ 700 and $ 10, 000. but it could go higher. it's different for everyone. i'm going to explain to yousome of the procedures. while you look for your sperm,
we can get you started onyour fertility counseling. we'll need to do somediagnostic tests, to see if your uterus andfallopian tubes are healthy and working properly. we'll need to do someblood tests, ultrasounds, hysterosalpingogram, possibly , and when you do have your sperm, we may have to put youon some medication which will help yourbody make eggs.
angie: okay, i didn't quitefollow all of those procedures, but i don't think i'mgong to need any drugs. i know that i'm fertile. rn: it's really to provideyou with the best odds. we know that itcan be expensive. angie: okay, thank you but i'mreally not interested in all these drug treatments and tests! i just came here for theinsemination part. rn: well the insemination isbest done after we make sure
that you're fertile. angie: i really don't believethat all of this is necessary! i am not interestedin drug treatments! rn: miss lalonde! angie: i am not infertile! it just happens that i don'thave a male partner. rn: [sighs] miss lalonde, there's no guaranteethat this will work. i know that can be frustrating.
if time and moneyis such an issue, as a bisexual woman... you may want to look at someoptions outside of the clinic. [chuckles] the old fashioned way? just something to think about. i'll get the doctor for you. doctor w: so the nurse tells me you have sometime constraints. angie: well, it's really thecosts and the travel,
which i'm really not sure about. could you give me an estimate? doctor w: well, i could tell youwhat's wrong with you. angie: he took one longlook at me and said: polycystic ovarian syndrome,about five to ten percent of women of reproductive agehave this condition. it's related to obesity. i could do some tests to confirmit and if i do confirm it, then i could provideyou with a drug
that'll help you lose alot of weight and if you lose a lot of weight, it'll be easier tobecome pregnant and the benefitof losing weight. angie: i didn't comehere for drugs, i came here for an insemination. doctor w: we can do an iui,i'll need to run some tests, and i noticed here, when youwere sixteen, you had an sti. you may have anobstructed fallopian tube.
angie: and because i reallywanted to have a baby, i agreed. after what felt like a million invasive tests... doctor w: well the bad news isyou don't have pco. angie: how is this bad news? doctor w: well the treatment's not going to work. if you had pco, then icould prescribe you a drug for diabetes. we're going to have to try acompletely different route
to get you pregnant. angie: so people who don't work, or people like mewho work part time, people like me who don't havedisposable income, that is not whothe clinic is for. so they were always surprisedwhen i didn't have money just like this for things. as if i'm somehow not prepared . not having access to sperm is areally different thing
than using sperm to getpregnant and having trouble. i'm not infertile, ijust don't have a male partner. i haven't even triedto get pregnant yet and they're offeringme drugs and tests... i just don't understandwhy i can't try. djuna: these were made fromcomments that you actually received from people? yeah, i have to say my firstresponse was like, i cannot believe that any scene
would actually godown that badly! [chuckles] aaron: you know when you go inthat there's ten people in the waiting room. nine of them are women withtheir husbands who are having whatever trouble that they were; and then there was us. it was kind of obvious that our situation was alittle bit different. so for the professionals thereto have that knowledge that
they can change gears whenthey're talking to someone with a different situation. dahlia: the nurse in thisparticular video didn't ask her anything. didn't ask her any questions, didn't ask her what herlife would look like, you know, whether it's goingto be an anonymous donor, did she have a donor,they don't-- the clinics really still don'tknow what questions to ask.
andrea: i get that the fertilityclinics are, most of the time, assisting people who havedifficulty conceiving naturally, but that was not us.natalie: mm hmm. andrea: and... natalie: i think they don'ttailor their approach or their methods, dependingon the person in need of becoming pregnant. they just use the sameapproach for anyone, that's what it felt like.
sarah: i just felt like my bodybecame this object that i had no control over and it was justsuch a powerless experience; and i felt like i was tied upin all of this bureaucracy and i thought this was going tobe such a wonderful time. i wanted to be a parent, like,i'm creating my child. this is not the process,this is not like... this is not howyou create a child. damali: although i had a goodexperience, i must say, i find that the doctor i dealtwith was very straightforward.
gave you the straight goods;told you what your options are; what the process was. all of that was given to meright from the very beginning. andrea: i wasn't prepared forthe fact that they were going to require or strongly suggestall these invasive tests. dahlia: but what resonated withme on that video most strongly was the idea that you walk in, you kind of wantsome information, kind of want toknow how it works 'cause you--
this is a relationship, and youneed the clinic to help you, in certain circumstances. sarah: and thisphrase was in my head, "my fertility issue wasthat i don't have sperm" and i kept saying thatto her and she's like "yes but we can'trule these things out". i just wasn't preparedfor her rigidity. dahlia: in my case, and in thecase of this particular video, i'd never tried to get pregnant.
i had no thought thatthis would be a problem. so the idea that i would have tohave all kinds of tests or take medications or spend $ 10, 000was sort of extraordinary. aaron: i guess the otherthing that it brought up, is around money, and the concept of assumingthat everybody there is from a particularsocioeconomic background. so there were a couple oftimes where we would be paying
for drugs or somethingat the cashier on the way out and it just seemed so nonchalantof how much money was supposed to be applied to anysituation or for any drug that sometimes for me felt like"is this normal for people to just be handing overthat amount of money?" angie: i want to be treatedlike the next person. equal, you know? not being pathologised,or looked down upon. i want to be in a place thatrecognizes me as human.
not like somethingis wrong with me. vick: make it moregeographically accessible. david: financial accessibility. ohip should be coveringassisted reproduction. carole: don't assumei'm infertile. jorge: don't assumei have a wife. jeanne: don't assumei have a husband. jorge: please, just don'tmake any assumptions. peter: please, just don'tmake any assumptions.
vick: please, just don'tmake any assumptions. angie: please, just don'tmake any assumptions. jeanne: let us tell you who weconsider part of our family. carole: be honest aboutwhat you don't know. vick: ask us questions in arespectful manner. samuel: and listento our answers. peter: learn about how queerfamilies have children. angel: how about some genderneutral washrooms? david: address systemicbarriers.
angie: this is one of the mostimportant moments in our lives.
vick: celebrate with us! david: celebrate with us! angel: celebrate with us! ♪ [credits theme]
No comments:
Post a Comment