parent effectiveness training

divorce is confusing to children. the most important relationships in their lives change. mom and dad's feelings for each other have changed. what about me? if their feelingsfor each other can change can their feelings for me change? why are my parents so grumpy now? did i do something wrong? i feel worried, and i feel mad! it's common for children to feel uneasy

about how they fit into the changes in your family your child is mourning a loss and isprobably coping with sadness and anger. parents can't take those feelings away. honey, i wish you'd just try to be happy. your attitude is not helping the situation! please honey, don't think about what'smaking you sad, think about something else, please, for mommy. children's behavior can clue you into their feelings. my teacher is so stupid!

i got in trouble for leaving class! how do you react to that? commanding: don't call your teacher stupid! warning or threatening: you better deal with this or you're gonna have to deal with me! moralizing: honey, you know it's not nice to call people stupid. lecturing: leaving class withoutpermission is not ok. advising: honey, the first thing you needto do tomorrow morning is go talk to your teacher. you're gonna have to up early.

blaming: what did you do this time? using sarcasm: well, i guess you just want to stay home this weekend and be grounded. reactions like this are typical under moments of stress. but they shut down communication and make it less likely that your child will seek your guidance. parents can use moments like this tohelp children navigate life's challenges. let's watch mom try again. my teacher is so stupid! i got in trouble for leaving class!

why don't you come sit down and tell me what happened. so tell me what happened. i left the classroom and i got in trouble. avery was telling jordan that my dad had left and they were going to go tell some other kids too. oh, i see. so you were upset that avery was talking about your family? yeah.

it doesn't feel very good when people talk about your family like that, does it? no. so you felt embarrassed and like you needed to leave class? yeah. did your teacher know why you left? what do you think you gonna do about it now? i guess i could go tell mr. deluca why i left the classroom.

that sounds like a good idea. will you let me know if you need any help? yeah, thanks mom. let's take a closer look at what momdid differently this time. she asks questions to get a clearerunderstanding. she makes eye contact. she pays attention. most importantly, she gives her child room to talk while she listens. i see. so you were upset that avery was talking about your family? she looks at the situation from her child's perspective.

it doesn't feel very good when people talkabout your family like that.

she helps her son find words to express his feelings. that sounds like a good idea. yeah. thanks, mom. and she shows empathy.